the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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