Bisexual people are plain selfish.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
