"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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