yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
