So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my being single is dangerous.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
