fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
