You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
