Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
