my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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