Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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