how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
