I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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