life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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