dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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