The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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