$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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