mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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