Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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