Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
