Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
