Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
