he shaved USA in his pubs
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
