is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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