i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
