And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
