The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
