Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
