He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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