you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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