I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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