Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
