I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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