You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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