I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
