Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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