I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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