just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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