dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
