The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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