I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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