whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
