Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
