i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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