he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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