spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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