my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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