I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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