Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize