I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
