i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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