I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
