Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize