I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
