Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
