i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
