im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
