totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize