He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
