i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
