This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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