we have pet lesbian snakes
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
