This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize