Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
