your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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