This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
