there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sex in a hospital.. check
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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