In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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